Our Forefathers

For every baby made, so is a father.

Even in the case where two females conceived a child, one was the fertilizer, making that female the biological “father” (source).

Father’s Day is this Sunday & it’s another day we’re expected to celebrate the men who made our lives possible, but (for once) we’re doing it for the right reasons. By this I mean it seems like men are always being celebrated & fathers are patronized for existing in their child’s life in any capacity (even a not so great one). Men can be great but a deeply patriarchal society makes it hard to differentiate the ones who deserve applause & the ones that don’t.

This isn’t just about biological-sperm-naturally-concieved-married-first-time dads. This is about real dads. All dads. & Grandads. & Stepdads.

& Single dads. & Momdads. & The Patriarchs we want to follow, not the ones we’re told to.

On Father’s Day, we not only celebrate the fathers we still have, but we mourn the ones we lost & yurn for the ones we never knew.

Unlike with mothers, there can be much less certainty if a man is a father, but it’s a fact you still can’t change. Yet, not every man is / will be a father & not every father is a dad. What makes a dad isn’t the other half of someone’s DNA. Being a dad doesn’t mean directly sacrificing your body, the way child bearing moms do. Being a dad doesn’t mean having an intimate bond, the way breast feeding moms do. Being a dad means doing as much as you can to make up for all that. Being a dad involves lots of hard work, sacrifice & heartbreak.

Not all dads are fierce physical protectors, some will be better at keeping your soul safe than others. Not all dads will be good at fixing cars, some will be better building for a shoebox derby. Not all dads work in offices. Not all dads work hard labor. Not all dads work. Some dads stay at home with their babies. Some dads learn to braid their daughter’s hair, or do their son’s make up. Some dads are much older & some dads are very young. Some dads have several biological children & some have none, but still have kids.

Let’s face it — not everyone has a close relationship with their father. So you may be wondering how to get through Father’s Day if you have a complicated relationship with your dad

“Remember that even though your relationship with your dad may not be perfect, Father’s Day is a day to acknowledge that they ARE your dad, not a day to rate their success in the job,” [says] Jeffrey Sumber, MA, MTS, LCPC, psychotherapist, “Kindness and forgiveness are essential to all of our relationships, and even though there may be unresolved issues with your father, use this as a chance to be kind,” Sumber continues. “Think of this as an easy opportunity to simply be nice, be kind, and send a card or leave a voicemail just saying hello” (source).

Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 16th, 2019.